Someday

To whom it may concern,

What I wouldn't give to know what goes through your mind.  Do you think of me?  Do you think of the times we've spent together? Am I just something you can  quickly dismiss... until YOU feel like YOU want to have contact?

My head feels like you don't care.  It's telling me I should run away so fast, just as if we had never reconnected.  But my heart is wispering something else.  I have looked into your eyes in the morning light and have loved every minute of your touch.  Don't get me wrong, I have begun to build the wall around my heart so I wont be as hurt when the gravity of the situation reveals itself, but in a perfect world I wouldn't have to keep you out.  But it's not a perfect world Angie.

I do not regret our time together, in fact, I loved every second.  The butterflies, the inability to stop smiling, and the warmth I felt in my heart.  I told myself I would be strong, that I would not let you see my weakness.  But I think I have failed.  I have shown my hand far too many times, and feel as though I have been burned.  My head tells me that I need to stop all contact unless you contact me first.  To really see if I cross your mind and if you wonder what I am doing.  So far I haven't been that strong but hopefully very soon I can be.

This feels like a good bye letter.  I don't want it to be, but it seems like thats where it is heading.  You probably think I am a weird, random, clingy chick...  If you only knew how many times you have crossed my mind virses how many times you have received my text on your phone.  Maybe then YOU would have ran away. 

Will you ever read this letter?  Probably not.  Sadly I am not that strong.  Yet.  But I hope to be someday.  And I sincerely hope that you are there in some form or fashon when I can stand on my own two feet. 

Someday....