I have had a pretty decent day, if I do say so myself. So then why all of a sudden has this overwhelming sense of loneliness just engulfed me? Loneliness, sadness, emptiness, hopelessness... I look around and see what I have. I am grateful for everything and thank my lucky stars I have my beautiful daughter and loving friends... maybe that's why this confuses me so much. Tears well up in my eyes and I quickly wipe them away, ashamed at how I feel, not wanting anyone to see. But all I want to do is crawl into bed and cry my eyes out. By the time I actually crawl into bed, I will have buried all my feeling so deep that I will just feel numb.
At times I have the urge to want to be near someone. To have human contact. Talk, laugh, sing, dance. That feeling is quickly replaced by the urge to be alone. Lay in a dark room with no sound, and just cry. Do I need that distraction of being with others to keep me going? Or do I need to take a step back and take some time to be with just me?
It must be the night time. Once the sun goes down, I can float on the days high just long enough to get dinner done, and then I'm back to square one. Another night of taking it one minute at a time and hoping that's enough to get me through until dawn.
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